There is no doubt that such incentives are confidence boosters and motivators, and, if used in moderation, play such an important role in the athletic development of our young girls. But in my humble opinion, sports programs, whether recreational or travel level, need to draw a line.

I feel strongly that mere participation in a program alone should not warrant anything more than a certificate of participation, if that. Last week, when I saw that little trophies were handed out to a group of 2^nd and 3^rd grade girls merely for their completion of a recreational basketball program, I asked the program manager his reasoning behind the trophies. His response was “ We need to be competitive with the millions of other programs that do this same thing, not to mention the fact that it definitely keeps the kids coming back for more.”

A couple of points come to mind. First, we need to instill in our daughters the principle that completion, self- improvement, or progress are fulfilling and rewarding on their own.  How about teaching them to treasure the feeling of mastering a skill level and the inner sense of reward that comes from accomplishment? If an award is presented for every bit of progress or completion, how does she learn to feel the pride? Instead, we are associating a material possession with progress, thereby creating an unnecessary and possibly even counterproductive expectation.

Second, this  “awards galore syndrome” both in theory and in practice, places a premium on simply showing up.  It is up to all of us, including coaches, program organizers, instructors and parents to drive home the value that awards are EARNED. Effort, maybe even effort that goes above and beyond, and the mastery and/or accomplishments that result, gives awards their deserved meaning.

Yet there is a balance here that should be not be lost or misunderstood. For example, I believe there is a place for stickers or ribbons that serve as a measure of skill level and reminder of the next goal in line. These serve as placeholders, symbolizing progress already made and remaining rungs on the ladder yet to be realized.

Let’s do our best to preserve and protect the integrity of our award system both for the sake of allowing our girls the ability to develop a motivating sense of inner pride as well as to bring the “earn” back into the “trophy.”

Just for the pride of it!!!!!!   (© 2011 GAME ON, LLC )

As a caring parent, of course you are concerned with the ramifications of that flood of sugar-filled goodies that suddenly invade your household.  These four tips though should help to alleviate the stress and transform the candy frenzy into a fun and valued experience for all.

1)   Moderation is the key – let them enjoy without the “splurge” they might think they are entitled to. Consider this a teachable moment with regard to both showing them (visually via internet images: i.e. kidshealth.org) and explaining the risks associated with overloading on sugar and carbs. You can balance your discussion using subtopics that include the problem of addiction or habit with the importance of feeling good about yourself.

2)   Spread the stash so it lasts days or months – a treat a day will allow the fruits of their trick-or-treating marathon to last and last.

3)   Keep the treasured goodies in a cabinet – don’t leave it out as a constant reminder. And once the bowl comes out and the choice is made, return it to storage immediately.

4)   As always, keep your kids physically active – burning and churning. Despite the extra “unhealthy calories,” the exercise will help to buffer.

With these few tips, your kids can enjoy and you too can appreciate the sugar-filled smiles.

Legendary athletes like Billie Jean King, former Olympic and national team medalists such as Julie Foudy and Jessica Mendoza, world record holders, professional athletes, USA national team members such as Abby Wambach, Lauren Cheney and Alex Morgan, Olympic and professional hopefuls, some of the most talented and high profile sports reporters and commentators, researchers, authors, top executives and marketing staff from major companies such as Gatorade, representatives from respected marketing and PR firms, sports agents, trainers, students, and so on.

All high achievers and influencers in their own right.

Yet no matter their title, no matter their level of visibility, no matter their medals, their win loss record or their corner office status, everyone at this summit shared a pervasive spirit and energy – the passion for women in sports. We were a sorority, bonded strongly by and advocating for that one cause.

As one who comes from the perspective of working with and on behalf of young girls, as young as 4-years-old, I introduce the summit as representative of one of the major benefits gained by our young female athletes today. Regardless of the level, these girls gain a right of passage into this sorority. There is no required initiation or hazing. If you develop the passion, you earn entry.  And the network, symbolized by that one letter, “W” (standing for “Women” if you have not already figured) in espnW, is so powerful and so tight.

Even at those tender ages, parents will notice the bond that forms with participation in sports. Your daughters will feel it, and you, the parent, will not only recognize it but also have the ability to define the sentiment.

So young female athletes everywhere, WELCOME. As evidenced by this recent espnW summit, you are part of a growing family and have so much to look forward to. And believe me, supporting the “W” is just as exciting and rewarding.

Hard to think of mistakes as a positive, isn’t it? Mistakes cost, so it’s logical to wish for success and perfection. But the reality is mistakes are part of life, so it is so important that your perspective emphasizes the teachable moments that often evolve from athletic error.

And here are some suggestions on how to turn mistakes into character-building lessons:

1. Making a mistake, learning from it, and doing it right the next time round is a confidence building experience for your athlete. When this situation occurs, make sure you sing her praises.
2. Teach your athletes to use their mistakes as fuel for motivation to do better and even master.
3. Mistake after mistake on the field or court can be looked upon as an opportunity to teach persistence, one of those qualities that will prove so valuable in life. As a corollary, our young athletes are often gravely embarrassed by mistakes to the point that they may wish to quit. It is up to us to encourage an understanding that mistakes are part of the learning process.
4. The feeling of reward derived from successfully correcting a mistake is one that all athletes need to experience.
5. A pattern of mistakes over time may very well reveal a weakness that cannot be overcome. This is the time where the athlete can reflect and consider her strengths. Ultimately, this time of self-evaluation may very well provide her with the direction she needs to find her niche.

Our young athletes work hard to succeed. Teach them that learning from mistakes is often an important part of the equation that leads to being the best you can be.

In closing, I refer you to the fitting words of Michael Jordan:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

As always, I look forward to your feedback.

Look out yonder and ye shall see,

the smiles, the sweat, the muscles, the glee.

The healthy, the toned, the academic progress they boast,

the sportsmanship, discipline, and teamwork we toast.

The friendships, the memories, for kids tall or short,

there is no end to the benefits of fitness and sport.

Sports and fitness, a.k.a. an active lifestyle, are good for the body and soul. I can confidently say that this message is proven, receiving more attention and emphasis by the day.

So how do we safely and effectively introduce our youngest children to a physically active life? And once we expose, how do we hook them forever?

Two key components to success

The first is making the introduction (and continued involvement) fun. The second is the all-important concept of confidence.

From the earliest toddler years, literally and figuratively start the ball rolling. The belly-aching laughter from a game of Nerf or rubber push-ball as you and your little one sit on the floor, legs spread, touching to form the boundaries, rolling the ball back and forth, is priceless.

Here’s a classic: Everyone down on hands and knees, ready to chase. One of you gives the ball a shove down the floor or hall and it’s a race to recapture. These types of creative games foster physical, mental and hand-eye coordination along with muscle development in an atmosphere of pure fun.

Just as important, as your children master the “game,” they build confidence. You should therefore build slowly to ensure development at a pace commensurate with ability. If you move too quickly, the child tends to become frustrated and wants to quit. If you move too slowly, the child becomes bored.

Your rolling and crawling games may progress to hitting a rolling Nerf ball with a Nerf bat or even off of a tee. And then there is my family’s favorite pillow-throw game. A parent (or both) strategically throws small pillows side to side with the object of having your child make a diving catch on to a mattress, bed or soft carpet. Feel free to speed up the throws when ready, intensifying the challenge while promoting footwork, focus, coordination and fun.  Everyone in the family can participate and work up sweat that earns that trip to the kitchen for some light ice cream!

Here are a couple of additional progressive games to consider:

1. Basketball

A. Roll the little rubber ball to your child, child picks it up, runs and dumps it in the bucket.

B. Toss the ball to your child on a bounce or fly and have them turn and toss on a fly into the bucket.

C. Introduce a Little Tyke hoop.

1. Tennis

Start with the Nerf paddle. Simply swat the Nerf ball around, making contact while the ball is moving. Progress to tossing the ball on a bounce or fly and having your child strive for contact. Then you can move to lightly hitting the ball back and forth so that it lands within boxes formed by tape on your basement or hallway floor.

The bottom line is be creative with these games and have fun.

****This article first appeared in the Spring 2011 issue of Parent to Parent, a quarterly publication of the Neighborhood Parents Network of Chicago (NPN).

SCHOOL – SPORTS – BED       SCHOOL-SPORTS-BED         SCHOOL-SPORTS-BED

Oh yes, with meals and maybe a birthday party squeezed in at times between.

If so, do you worry about finding the time to teach them responsibility, life skills that will shape their character?

Of course, but by necessity, your athlete must tackle the issue of time management.

Good time management to many equates to achieving balance. In my experience, however, while balance may sound good and serves as a great goal, it is hardly the end result. Rather our athletes are learning to prioritize and sacrifice, hopeful of staying healthy and happy.  They simply cannot balance it all.

So how can parents help to teach and guide toward smart time management? Here are a few tips based on experience and personal observation:

1)   Parents must lay down some laws – For example, school/homework always came first in our home. Let them know the priorities so they can work within YOUR boundaries. No doubt, this is a lesson in values.

2)   At the same time, parents need to cut these athletes a bit of slack. I for one always harbored dreams of having my kids complete regular chores ranging from washing dishes and helping with their laundry (of course modified by age) to garbage can duty and room/house cleaning responsibilities. I even hoped they would travel with me to the bank to deposit their own gift money as an additional lesson in responsibility. Yet, I realized very quickly that their schedules simply would not permit. Something had to give. In fact, quite a bit had to give.  By the time 4^th grade rolled around, they were doing so little by way of domestic chores it was scary.  Yet I continued to remind them that I was helping them out because of their commitment and hard work when it came to school and their respective sports schedules.  But they did what they could when they could. (They are both in college now and I am happy to report that while not perfect, they are doing just fine without parental intervention and seem to have the life skills and sense of responsibility parents hope for.)

3)   Visual is helpful – have a family calendar (whether virtual or paper, make it visible) where each of your kids has their own color and everyone logs in their major commitments. When parents participate, it helps lend credibility and importance to the process.

4)   Help them learn from their mistakes. Appointments and deadlines are bound to be missed.  Use these as a learning experience as opposed to a reason to punish. If they are trying hard and care, use these as teachable moments and reason to talk. Some of my most valuable conversations were based around their mistakes.

Of course, each athlete will present her own unique set of circumstances. From the perspective of the parent, it is a matter of finding the right balance between these three choices: executing for them, guiding them, and demanding independence from them. With the above tips in mind, you should find the mix that works for you, your athlete, and your family.

As an aside, while working to instill a sense of good time management, it is also important to emphasize and maintain these critical areas of support:

Emotional – Make sure you empathize. It’s never a bad idea to relate a story of your own that conveys your ability to understand the sacrifices, the hard times, and the good times. You can also remind them of instances to date where their attention to good time management has resulted in reward.

Verbal/Communication – Make sure you are there to talk over and above the times when they need you. This means occasionally starting a conversation or asking questions to keep the lines open and flowing.

Personal – Be there in person as much as possible not just in lip service. There is no substitute for mom and dad and while as parents we cannot be there 100% of the time (especially for working parents), do the best you can to make supporting your athlete a top priority as you manage your own time.

As always, I look forward to your feedback and discussion about your personal experiences.

I’ll venture to bet that at some point, while watching a young kids’ sporting event or lesson, your attention has been drawn to one participant. Interestingly, this time it’s not because she is dominating or incredibly talented. Nor is it a behavioral problem or even a heroic effort. Rather this time it is because your heart is drawn to that one participant that is trying too hard.

Trying too hard and not succeeding.  She is red in the face, sweating profusely, frustrated and embarrassed. While our hearts go out to her, the coach may have to take her out of the game. Even if participating in a developmental clinic, it is an uncomfortable situation. She will be noticed for the wrong reasons.

There are a few common reasons that underlie this behavior. It could be factors such as peer or parental pressure to perform.  It could stem from a profound feeling of inferiority or the desire for attention. This behavior could even be the result of a perfectionist mentality or hard coaching style. Of course, it could be a combination as well.

Whatever the reasons though, this overboard effort is unhealthy and requires early recognition in order to prevent potential negative consequences. This athlete is suffering and needs help. Parents, coaches and/or instructors need to determine and understand the root(s) of the cause and work with her to find a fitting remedy.

If the pressure comes from the program or coach, finding another, more fitting to your athlete’s skills and/or mentality, may work well.  If the behavior is caused by a lack of confidence, is it possible to provide her with more opportunity for instruction and/or practice?  Assuming that her tension is a result of peer or parental pressure or even an extreme need for attention, quick fixes are more unlikely. These circumstances may require deeper intervention.

So I leave you with this thought: there is a fine line between giving your all – going 100% and putting heart into your efforts versus trying too hard. It is worth guarding against the latter and striving for the former, as we all work toward the healthy development of our young athletes.

As always, look forward to your thoughts and feedback.

2011 has the potential to be an exciting year for the Bandits – new classy, custom-built stadium and a team filled with talent. Look forward to cheering them on.

1)   Do your best; No one can ask you anything more than to give it your all.

2)   Train hard and you will feel the reward.

3)   Maintain healthy attitudes when it comes to both winning and losing

4)   Its not over until the clock reads zero – don’t give up

5)   Have fun

6)   Respect and listen to your coach

7)   Play fair; Play with integrity

8)   Maintain a positive attitude

9)   Never blame anyone but yourself

10) Learn from your mistakes

It certainly would not hurt for all of us, athlete or not, to review these simple lessons; they apply as much to life in general as to life on the field or court.

As always, look forward to your feedback.